An old mama has died in our village.

She was the mother or grandmother of many of our friends here. Yesterday we took a box of food. Today we took a garbage bag full of popcorn! That was a big hit.

People have been flocking to the family compound to pay their respects, to grieve with and comfort the family. Some come up wailing, some speechless, clearly feeling uncomfortable. But without fail, whether young or old, they greet every person present.

There were just a dozen or so there when we walked up around noon. We went up the lane, stepping around three cows grazing. We jumped the small hedge and walked into the compound. It’s not much different. Grief is universal. There’s that pleasure of seeing family and friends mixed with a pain of loss. Sometimes there’s laughter, sometimes there’s tears.

We put the large blue bag on a table under a shade tent that had just been made with seed sacks and a tarp we had sent up earlier. Without delay, the paper cups we had brought were being passed around filled with the unusual treat.

Some visiting, were clearly intrigued by this strange couple, but most people didn’t seem surprised at all to see us. Today, we honestly felt a part. We felt like we belonged, like the family felt we belonged.

Randy sat out with the men and my hand was grabbed and I was whisked off into the smoke filled, fire blazing jikoni… I cut vegetables with my friends as they shared stories. Sometimes in English, sometimes Kiswahili, sometimes Akegusii. Somehow, I knew and understood most of the conversation and would surprise even myself when I would respond or add.

Later in a group of 18 Kenyan women, I was handed a Bible, “share something with us”. We read from Psalms, from Proverbs and from John. I looked up at one point and there were many tears. Oh Lord, comfort these that mourn!

All our little kids were there and because we have spent so much time with them, our presence there seemed normal. That’s it… For the first time in over a year of living here… Our presence seemed ok, normal. We were not the wazungu, we were not the missionaries, we were not the outsiders, we belonged.

When I woke this morning, I was crying before I even got out of bed. I was feeling quite sorry for myself and before long I was clothed in self pity.

I read a FB post of a friend and I was immediately reminded of the sufficiency of Christ!!! Immediately and more profoundly I was again fixed on my goal, my prize.

We had several from our Sunday morning Bible study let us know they were up at the funeral. (The funeral begins the moment the loved one dies and continues until after the burial). We also saw and greeted many who walked by with either water from the river or trees for the fires… One for cooking and one for sitting around.

This is when I felt drawn up there and Randy and I began popping 2 1/2 bags of corn. Little did I know how God would use that treat, how He would melt the differences in a hot smokey wooden shack. Little did I know He would reveal to me HIS sufficiency so sweetly and so lovingly.

It’s been a tough week… I’m not gonna lie… And as I hear this old Rich Mullins song…

So if I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through.

And if I can’t let me fall on the grace That first brought me to You

And if I sing let me sing for the joy That has born in me these songs

And if I weep let it be as a man Who is longing for his home

It pretty much sums up my heart this week.

I felt it growing despite my cries to my Strength. As is my mode, I began pulling in and not until we were praying Friday morning, as we both broke before the Throne… casting our cares, surrendering our pain, our family, our inadequacies, our fears, not until that moment did I realize Randy, too, was struggling.

My pastor asked me when I was home, sharing with him about the work here, “what makes it different there?” Well, I now know the answer… Really know the answer. THIS is where, for now, the good works that have been set apart for us to do…. ARE.

The schedule this term is hectic… Long and taxing…. And today is our longest day.

We woke at 4am to prepare chai and be out the door by 5am. We have a 3 hour drive to our class in Narok. Pitch black and still the roads are filled with people walking. Not just in towns, along the highways and out in the middle of nowhere.

We pass towns lined with dukas, a wooden lean to, filled with their wares. Duka after Duka, all selling the same thing. If there are speed bumps in front they will brave the streets displaying their goods as you manage across the foot and half high bump.

The morning was beautiful and we watched the sun seeming to strain in its appearance behind the cloud filled sky. The mountains were more beautiful than I seem to recall. We traveled through Maasai land and I’m always struct by the men and women in their traditional shukas with their brilliant colors.

We’ve been with more than 4 tribes this week, the Luo in Kendu Bay, Gusii in Kisii, Maasai in Narok and a mixture in Kilgoris in the Trans Mara. Finding, in each area, men and women who are hungry for God’s Word.

Through the years Randy and I have come to love His Truth. We have tasted and seen just how good our God is. We have tried Him and seen, with overwhelming show, HIS faithfulness. So this week God has shown His grace and has allowed me to fall on it. Tomorrow, I will wake to stand, stand on His promise that He will see me through!

After a couple weeks of clearly being taught my need to submit to the Lord in so many areas of my life… I’m afraid last night – “I” won the battle. My flesh – totally won the battle.

It started as I lay on the couch with my computer in my lap trying to find a cheap room in Nairobi for our trip next week. After a long weekend, I had managed to drag out the rug the day before, scrub it clean, wash down all the walls, clean the floors, everything was clean and I had just taught my only class this week due to the funeral of our neighbor. I was a bit wiped.  I laid there looking around at my clean rug, my clean floors and my clean bare walls.

Our walls are solid bricks with a very hard concrete like material plastered over it. There is no hanging of pictures or such. So, I had a friend make some boards that he would drill into the wall on which I can hang things. I asked for them two months ago. Last night – THEY CAME!!! Yeah, so excited!

Sweet, gentle Jeff, came in with his son, having walked over in the rain, just before dark. Ooohhh – I had just cleaned the floors. Well – I can sweep again, mop if I have to. Then he began to use his handsaw and hand-drill to complete his work. Not in one spot, but in every room he had something to hang. Oh there was no leveling, so on one of the boards, it is 6 inches higher on one end than on the other. Many things not done as I requested but he would say, “Mum, let it be this way, it is good”.

Mean while, Derrick came in. So happy to see us he didn’t even take his shoes off, which he has become accustomed to doing. By now it’s pouring outside and it’s very dark. Despite the fact that we had EVERY lantern, flashlight and candle lit, every board is bowed and crocked and now sweet Derrick has just tracked in more mud than I thought possible and anxious to greet me as I sat on the couch, which sits on my rug… ughhh — you get the picture right?

All this – I could literally feel the battle inside my heart. I had just cleaned house, I had just scrubbed the rug that morning, pulling it in after it had dried in the sun, I had just wiped down all the walls… and… now… It was all I could do to try NOT to show my attitude.

I’m guessing that Derrick’s hightailing it out of there when Jeff left – was an indication I hadn’t been successful.

DEATH TO SELF — IT’S ALL GONNA BURN! Two phrases I have heard taught and repeated so often it is a “slogan” of such among my Home Fellowship Family of over 20 years. I kept hearing that, but… but… LOOK AT THIS!!!!

I said to Randy as I walked all over the house with my arm stretched up to measure the height of the boards… yep each one of them drastically un-leveled. And LOOK at my rug!!!!

I had to vent somewhere – so – I chose my text group with my kids. Blah blah blah, babble, babble babble. Pushing send so fast, filling the next text even faster, slamming out all that gripping and complaining… concluding I clearly am not cut out for this missionary thing.

“You need to take those thoughts captive” one of my daughters shoots back. I wanted to tell her to put her face right here (((( X ))))). But I knew she was right. Corrected and humbled by the mother of my grandchildren. Just great!

Now in bed, I start to cry. God, I am so sorry. I am SO sorry. Will I ever learn to submit to YOU? Will I ever learn to lay down this ridiculous self? In this place so far from home. You are working in my heart. You are constantly reminding me… “Kari, Kari, you are worried and troubled about many things… BUT One thing is needed, chose that good part, which will not be taken away!”

We arrived at the church on Friday around 9:00am.  We were the first ones there for this event that began…. At 9:00.  “Okay Lord, I submit to You my schedule, my time, may I remember it is only Your time I must keep”.  Shortly the youth began setting up their sound system and key board.  I prayed the power would go out.  I love the pure voices of Africa.  However, the crackling static of massive blown hand me down speakers, the use of every out of tune function on the keyboard, played by someone who has as no idea how the instrument was actually intended to sound…. Not so much.  “Okay Lord, I submit the worship to YOU, it is only YOUR ears it must please, only to Your heart it must offered”.

One by one the women arrive on African time.  The schedule was being shifted and I would now begin teaching at 10 instead of 11. The first speaker had been canceled.  I slipped out the side door and found Randy, “I need you to pray for me”. He lifted every need from my heart to our Lord without me even needing to explain!  And I slipped back in as worship continued.

I had been preparing something on “being a servant of God” as that was the theme.  But as I stood in worship, fully submitted to HIM…. I knew they needed to hear something else.  I knew God was redirecting.

I pulled out my Colossians study.  I said, “okay Lord, you need to do this one too!”  And, I got up before nearly 75 women by this time, and asked them….  “Who is your president?  Is he married?  Her name?  Children? Where does he live?  What tribe is he from?”  I asked a few other questions and as with each one, nearly the entire room answered in unison.  “Ahhh, you really know him…. Tell me, last time you spoke with him on the simu (phone), where was he headed?  What did he do last night for dinner?  Did his family get him something special for his birthday?  Oh, I want to buy him a shirt, what’s his favorite color? ”  they all laughed, “we do not know”.  Ohhh, you don’t KNOW him…. You only know OF him.

I had their attention and I asked them… Wewe, kunajua Yesu?  Applause broke out. Hootin and clapping… Yes, we know Jesus!

I asked them, consider deeply…  Do you KNOW Jesus? Or do you just know ABOUT Him? I asked a series of questions hoping would stir them to look deeper.

It was very evident that God wanted them to consider WHO it was they wanted to serve.

I shared with them scripture after scripture, passages and stories, Truths of His Word, and it all flowed together as though it had been carefully prepared.  Truth is – it HAD been, just not by me.

I knew God spoke both Friday and Saturday, and I knew I had had the honor of being used by Him, as I continued to submit myself to Him.

The lesson of submission continued yesterday.  We walked to the school for Bible Study.  Again, Africa time.  It doesn’t help to go later; they just adjust and come even later.  But today I had plans!  I had invited 25 women in the village for tea!

Derrick told the story today and did a great job!  Randy continued to teach in John 2 AND in addition to our normal crew… We had 4 visitors including two Leaders from the Seventh Day Adventist church!  The Bible Study was good and Randy supported the answers to his questions with scripture that our visitors promptly looked up!  Praise God!  How exciting!

Oh, pray they return next week!  Randy will be coming to John 3:16!

I got home and set the table with cookies, mandazi, sweet bananas, pineapples and apples!  I served chocolate, jam, honey and powdered sugar for the mandazi.  Chai and Cocoa!  It looked great!  I kept praying, “Lord, take this day! Accomplish YOUR desire!”

That pre-party anxiety began to rise as loads of kids showed up, peering in the windows and putting their hands and noses all over the glass I had cleaned earlier.   I had an issue with the mandazi, Randy got into my food on the table and made a mess….   Uuuggghhh. “Lord, I submit this day to YOU, help me let go of my craziness!  Help me to not get caught, as my sister Martha, and miss that One Necessary THING!”

My neighbors began to arrive, but only the non English speaking ones!  I strained to keep conversation going with my limited Swahili, even though one thought took 5 minutes to explain, looking up words in my handy dandy pocket English-Swahili dictionary.

After most women had arrived, I prayed for the food and the women promptly moved everything to the coffee table…. Oh…. Oooookay.  Immediately I saw coffee spilling on my rug and a glob of strawberry jam.  “LORD, I submit this house, the rug, the now muddy floors… To YOU….  Fill this place with Your Spirit.”

The afternoon was wonderful and my sweet new friends ASKED for a regular time together!!  So I suggest the Bible Study and then I was asked to “teach the men that they should NOT be drunkards”.  Well, many of these men come to our Sunday Study!  I asked them if they pray for them… “Lets get on our knees and ask God to move in their lives”.  I reminded them that God wants their husbands to KNOW HIM!!!!  So we prayed my favorite prayers… God, open the eyes of our understanding, of our husband’s understanding… Pour out YOUR wisdom and knowledge in the revelation of Your great love for us… For them!!!

God is working in this place!  HE wants to make lives NEW, fulfilled and reconciled to Himself!

Please… Keep praying with us.  Keep praying FOR us.  God is every bit as much at work IN us as He is THROUGH us!  Pray our hearts continue to submit to HIM.