A joyful man…

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God has blessed me with a number of godly men to speak into my life ever since I was a child. Pastors, Bible Teachers, Disciples of Christ, Men of God who’s lives reflected all they spoke of.
Today as I stepped into my husband’s discipleship class in a village in East Africa, my heart overflowed. To begin with, my husband is one of those men. His love for the Lord has exploded into every aspect of his life. And this man radiates Jesus.
Today he was talking about rejoicing in the Lord. How our lives should be so filled with the joy of the Lord that all those who come in contact with us, see Jesus.
He went on to describe a man I’ve known my entire life. His joy bubbles. Everyone of my lifelong friends will attest to the fact that his love is as sincere and infectious as it gets.
My dad has considered this man his best friend for many years. He has always been there for my family. My first recollection is of the time my brother was run over and dragged by a school bus in a near fatal accident. I remember Pastor Don ministering to my entire family. He simply has always been that spiritual leader, always quick to be there. Weddings, funerals, hospitals…. there he is.
Last year I was home and my dad was in the hospital. I walked in to see him and there sat my childhood pastor. This tall towering man jumps to his feet (albeit a bit slower these days) and gives me a love filled, tight and hearty hug. I’ve always always loved those hugs. He always asks about my kids, who all know, love and respect him as much as me. There are a couple things he has said, that my kids will repeat and credit him to this day.
Well, this morning, as my husband was trying to define rejoicing, being joy filled to his 12 men he has disciples now for 3 years, he looked at me and with tears welling up, choking up a bit, he says, I told them the best example I know is Don Ralston. How I use to look at him and wonder, “how can anyone be so happy?”
Pastor Don, thank you!! Thank you for decades… for a lifetime… of living the joy of the Lord. Thank you for always singing a song of joy. Thank you for demonstrating the inexpressible and exceeding joy of Jesus. Thank you for being a steadfast example of one who loves, who trusts and who obeys the Most High God. Thank you for having an impact on my entire family, my grandmothers, my parents, my siblings, my husband, my children and 12 Kenyan pastors in East Africa. I love you so much!

Passing the Baton

Posted on June 28, 2017 by TheChangeOfSeasons

This has been a day of retrospect… a day where God has my attention.

Randy has gone to Nairobi to pick up a new friend. So I usually try to use these times to sit quiet before the Lord. I’m reading some biographies of some men and women who represented the exchanged and abundant life I daily desire. The team outside are all working so hard to accomplish all Randy left for them to do. So I decided to make them ‘popcorns’. Yes, plural. I decided to listen to some teaching while I popped 8 pots of corn for my 20+ hardworking friends.

I love these people. They have become like my kids. I love being a mom. I always have. And 35 years ago as I was anticipating my first baby at the young age of 20, I was filled with eager joy. I wasn’t walking with the Lord at the time. I had been raised in Truth. I knew Truth. And I believed Truth. But I was not walking in it. Even still, I knew even before my child was born, it wasn’t about me anymore, this child, any future children, they needed Truth.

And in my quest to see them get that, The Lord got me. Over time I became a lover of His Word and a believer in prayer. God used many people to disciple me as I was determined to teach my kids. And teaching them the Truth drove everything I did. I can say that honestly. I may not have had the purist motives some of the time, but I was very cognizant of the potential message in my actions, my words, my responses, my life. Oh… I made so many blunders, and outbursts, and mess ups and mistakes… but I can absolutely say that my primary focus, my deepest desire, was that my kids knew Jesus, knew the power of His resurrection, that they knew His faithfulness and His love and that they grew up to walk and abide in Him. That was all I cared about, far over education, careers, even relationships, I wanted them to KNOW Jesus.

Again, you don’t need to ask them, I’ll admit… I made so many mistakes and dropped the baton regularly. But I do believe that God saw my desire and poured out grace beyond measure. Grace that covered my mistakes. Grace that covered my outbursts and my messes. And, day by day, month by month, year by year… I grew, they grew and together, ONLY through the grace of Jesus, we are all living for and diligently serving our Savior. We are all eagerly awaiting His return and we are all consciously spreading the gospel and making disciples.

Yes, I know what a privilege and amazing blessing this is. I do not take it for granted. And my husband and I praise our God daily for having revealed Himself to them. It is this faithfulness of God, having seen it proven through my kids and so many other ways that gave me the courage to trust and obey God when He called us to Africa. Out of the blue, never a dream, at a season where it made NO sense, He called us to Kenya and again, He has blown me away.

Well, today, as I was listening to some teaching, I found myself before the Lord. I was being clearly taught something that I think God has been trying to show me for some time. But somehow, this message, this pastor, this time… God’s anointing, God’s desire for me to ‘get it’ spoke deep down in the innermost center of my heart. This pastor spoke boldly of God’s Truth, of His call for holiness and righteousness, he taught of the utmost importance of the furtherance of the gospel and how my motives to serve MUST BE for His glory. I want to want to!!! Oh God may my conduct be worthy of the Gospel and may I stand fast.

What moved me to share this today… was after years of praying that God would speak and reveal Himself to my children THROUGH me, desiring to pass them a baton of faith… today… He spoke and revealed Himself to me…. THROUGH my son. The Baton of Faith has most assuredly been passed and I simply praise the Name of my Jesus!!!!
Hey, if you want to hear some sound and spurring teaching… check out Pastor Ryan Saul at CalvaryWT.com. He lives and he teaches…. TRUTH!

His perfect time

Posted on May 18, 2016 by TheChangeOfSeasons

I am American.”Time is money”

Raised by the clock-punctuality is key!
I am in Kenya

“African time” – slower than island time

And likely my biggest cultural struggle. It brings out the worst in me for sure!
Today, I left a few minutes late. Ugh

Stopped to pick up the mandazi, they were not ready.

Went to pick up Levi – he was late.

Had a bit of trouble with the car, delaying us several minutes.

Went to pick up Dennis – he was late.

Feeling that flesh rising up… “Oh Lord please help me!”

As we sat on the side of the road awaiting Dennis, a woman came to the car – she wanted “something to eat”. So I reached around to the back seat and came out with some warm mandazi for her. “No! Ninataka pesa”. I want money. I responded with a forced and fake smile, “pole, hakuna pesa”. ( I’m sorry, I have no money.)

Watching from across the street, a young man began laughing. As the woman walked away, he came over. He wanted a job in my compound.

We were still waiting on Dennis, so we started a conversation. He asked what I do, where I lived. I asked, “do you know Jesus?” “No one knows Jesus”, he responded.

I have NEVER before gotten this response and my heart sank. “He is history”, he said.

I ALWAYS hear the answer yes, I know Jesus! Even if they don’t.

I told him that Jesus wants him to know HIM. He died so you can know Him!

“You cannot know someone you can’t talk to”. “Oh, but you CAN talk to Him, I talked with Him just this morning!!” With that he nervously stepped back, somewhat chuckling, “you must have a devil, saying you spoke to Jesus”. “Oh NO!” I proclaimed, “He is real, He is! And He desires a relationship with you!!!”

I invited him to church. He told me it is too far. Both Dennis and Levi spoke to him in Kiswahili a bit. I sat and prayed as they did. I then handed him a Kiswhaili tract.

He would not allow me to pray with him. But as we drove away, the guys and I prayed for Jonathan, asking that it might please The Lord to reveal Himself! Oh please, use this meeting which I KNOW you ordained, use the seeds of TRUTH that were spoken, use that tract and Your Holy Spirit, make Yourself known… That Jonathan might know that You are God and that You love him!!

Lord, help me, please, to rest in You and to trust Your clock. Your clock that keeps perfect time!

A Trophy named Grace!

Posted on April 11, 2015 by TheChangeOfSeasons

I went to visit Grace this morning. I passed Otara, her husband, along the way. He was headed to the guys’ Saturday discipleship group.

Grace is unable to attend our ladies Thursday study so we want to spend time together somehow. Her little English and my kidogo Kiswahili makes that a challenge.

She is reading in Luke so we picked up from there. Her children gathered as we read first from English then from Kiswahili.

I love the evidence of God’s transforming Grace in this home… proclaimed in the smiles and laughter and an understanding that can come just from God Himself.

We talked about knowing Jesus, how He told the story of how those invited to a great supper were too busy to attend, how we must be willing to leave everything to follow Jesus and THEN…. the kids… talking with their cousin who was there… began touching their head and then their heart and THEY were telling him the difference between knowing Jesus and knowing ABOUT Jesus!!!! I could hear ‘kujua Yesu’ and “kweli, kujua Yesu, Kweli! I know what that means!

Oh how I wish you were there!! Oh how I wish all you who love us, pray for us, support us… Oh I wish you could see the fruit of our labor…. Yours AND mine!!

To God be the glory and honor here in Kebabe. May His Name be high and lifted up!!

Please keep praying that this village would be adding to the church through the Holy Spirit. Pray that the people would believe in Him who was sent. Pray that as God transform them, that they would grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus, that He would give to them a spirit of understanding, knowledge and wisdom. Pray they would be moved to share the gospel boldly!!

I don’t feel like it!!!

Posted on February 7, 2015 by TheChangeOfSeasons

I don’t feel like it! It started with a tickle in my throat. A few days later I have this heavy wheezing, awful cough, and basically feeling worse than bad.

I confess, I get a little panicked every time I have a respiratory thing. After all, just over one year ago, in a matter of seconds, I went from hearing to not. I held my nose and blew. I yawned. All in effort to pop my ear. Nothing. Then I was told that my hearing in that ear would not likely return. Gone. Completely.

So, after 4 bouts with something in as many months, I have allowed myself to get a little cranky. I curl up in bed, I doctor myself with every home remedy I can research, and I pray, “please, Father, don’t let me loose my other ear”. So… when time came for my Thursday night Bible Study, I snapped at Randy, “I don’t feel like it, tell them I am sick”. “You have to go, they are expecting you”.

With not an ounce of graciousness… completely void of any semblance of love… I dragged myself out of bed, threw on a wrapped and pouted out the house towards the church. I didn’t grab my Bible. I didn’t pray. I didn’t apologize to Randy. I didn’t feel like it.

Sure enough… Leah came in, then Mary. Just the three of us, good this should be short, I thought. The other 8 or so women didn’t come, my booklet of verses I had had printed and were to be delivered for them all hadn’t come… and… I didn’t feel like it. So I was totally expecting a quick prayer… a few back and forths… and… Kwaheri, tutaonan! Bye, see you!

First, Leah shared about a hyena that had been outside her house the night before. She shared about the fear that rose up because of the witchcraft that is thought to be associated with them. She told me of how she called Pastor Rueben and he had prayed with her and she sat there reading her Bible until she fell asleep.

I was quick to remind her – God says, be strong and of good courage, for the Lord your God is with you!!! He has NOT given us a spirit of fear – but of love, courage and a sound mind. We just submit to Jesus, resist the devil… and… HE WILL FLEE!!!

I had an answer for her. It was truth. And it came forth from my mouth with instinct. Heartless, loveless, but purposed truth none the less.

Then Mary, in Akeguisi, the mother tongue, began to share as she ruffled through the pages of her Bible. She was looking for something specifically. Then she started to read. Leah then read it in English. I Corinthians 13. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels… though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge and though I have all faith, so to move mountains… Though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor… though I give my body to be burned… …and have not LOVE Sounding brass, clanging cymbals, I am nothing, and it all profits me… NOTHING!

Mary was feeling condemned. Mary was feeling loveless. This sweet precious woman who earlier in the day I had asked to fix lunch for 10 extra men with no thought of her time, no thought of the effort and work necessary, this woman who said to me, “no problem” in her heavy African accented English…. was feeling unloving.

BETWEEN the eyes… the entire message… straight between the eyes!

First… fear. Honestly, I have battled this fear for over a year. The last thing the doctor said to me after several attempts to glean some hope… “take care of that other ear and don’t let things go untreated.” I actually hear his voice in my head. Fear. Curled up in my bed, fear. Pleading with God, fear.

And here I am telling Leah, you don’t have to fear the witchcraft or hyenas. Just trust God!! Submit to God, resist the devil…

Then… love… I just spent 3 months back home studying 1 John. What manner of love has the Father lavished on us… that we should be called… CHILDREN OF GOD!!! He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. In this the love of God was manifested towards ME…. That God sent Jesus, to die for me… that I might live through Him!!!

Based on His prayer in the garden… I’m pretty sure… Jesus didn’t feel like it.

One thing I have learned is that I can’t do it. I can’t even pretend to love… because lots of times… I just don’t feel like it.

But He has called me to love. He has set that as the highest command… love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind and the second is like it… Love your neighbor as yourself.

THIS is my measuring stick. This is how I must judge myself, 1 Corinthians 13.

Oh Jesus… Forgive me! I have been selfish and unbelieving. I have taken my eye off You! Forgive me! Fill me with YOU, YOUR Spirit, YOUR Love! May I be kind and gentle, may I suffer long, not envy, not be prideful, may I not behave rudely or seek my own need or purpose, may I not be provoked or think evil, may I not rejoice in iniquity but may I rejoice, may I dance and may I live in TRUTH… May I bear all things, believe all things, hope all things and endure all things!!!!

I need YOU! I need Your grace! I need Your love! I need Your Holy Spirit! May I be obedient to You, may I be quick to love You by loving others… Even when I don’t feel like it!

BECAUSE HE LIVES…

Posted on April 23, 2014 by TheChangeOfSeasons

First – I must thank everyone for your prayers!!! What a weekend of celebration!

After our Narok class on Saturday we drove to Kisumu. About a four hour drive. We took Kennedy from Narok to his home in Kisumu. Do you remember him? He was the young man I had the privilege of praying with last month as he asked for and received salvation!

It worked out great that he was heading to Kisumu and needed a ride, we were heading to Kisumu and needed a guide! So the blessings began!

We were pushing to get to the guesthouse before dark. We didn’t quite make it. But, we had a lovely room with AIR CONDITIONING and a hot shower! I felt a bit indulgent. We got up Easter morning and went to pick up our friends Dave & Amy. We lived with them when we were in Language School last year and they are serving in Turkana in the north central of Kenya. Together we all were blessed and refreshed as we worshipped and fellowshipped with the wonderful people from Calvary Chapel Lakeside.

I am not sure, unless you have been in a strange land, if anyone can comprehend how MUCH this blessed us. Please, don’t misunderstand, I love listening to the beautiful praising voices of Africa, but when the familiar songs, with familiar language and voices began to sing out praise and worship to the KING who died for me… I was moved to unstoppable tears as I considered the work of the cross.

I miss my church family more than words can say and my Lord, Who died for me, He loves me so much that He knew how blessed we would be to worship Him there, in that place, with those people on that very special day!

After service, the blessing continued as we joined “family” for fellowship and lunch. The two missionary families from Kisumu, the Pottinger and the Harris families… , were armed with 6 excited children. As the kids ran around with Easter activities, squealed and laughed and shared the Easter story, my heart was conflicted with emotion. I was thrilled with these little sweet children, their parents teaching them wonderful Truth… and yet, I dreadfully missed my babies. What a sweet time of fellowship that was needed more than I knew.

We took Dave and Amy back to Kisii with us and they stayed until just this morning. They were a huge help with our village celebration!

Monday we woke early and began all the preparations. As the morning went on, more and more were coming in to help set up. We had the kitchen set up and the mamas all started cooking. Randy was working on the Nyama Chomo ya Mbusi na Ngombe – the goat and the beef to be grilled. The men set up the tent and the screen for the movie. They brought chairs and even a couch. People would come in the gate with arm and head loads.

The children were busy playing with the football and the soccer ball, having a great time.

Dinner was fantastic and we probably fed well over 100 people. As dark was approaching, Randy and Dave worked on the system to show the movie. It was a challenge, with discs we had burned not able to be played on the DVD player, plugs missing or not working, sound interrupted… the challenges just continued. Finally, Dave & Amy brought out the new disc they had burned and we sat down as the story of Jesus began to play out. The movie was in their mother tongue – Ekegusii.

Amy and Dave had popped pop corn for hours and we had bags made up that we distributed and little lollipops. When the movie began they were captivated. Oh I wish you could have seen it. They watched as Jesus was born, as He grew, as He was baptized and then just as He was setting out on the fishing boat — the film froze. YIKES – after realizing the download we had burned only went that far we were scrambling. I was so disappointed and feeling so defeated. Even though all day long the Lord had shown Himself. The people, the food and even the rain He had held off. Now – the movie won’t show. I honestly felt attacked. We had a Joseph movie we ended up showing, in English, and Amy could tell my disappointment. She said, “they’ve had a taste and will tell all their friends and then next time perhaps there will be more that will need to see it.”

Yes, Lord, You knew this situation before it occurred and I must continue to trust You!

While many could not understand, only a couple people left while the others watched intently for the next THREE HOURS!!! (Joseph was a very long movie)

At the end of the day – I believe they were blessed and had seen more of the love of Christ. I believe that God’s Word does not return void and I know that even in the short portion of the STORY – they heard ‘WHY’ Jesus died.

So – again – I thank you for your prayers, for your support, for your contributions and for being a part of this team. I pray, indeed, that God will credit your account with the fruit that WILL come forth! He is risen, He is risen indeed… and… because HE LIVES…

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check out our Village Celebration album on facebook for more pictures!!

Weariness creeps in…

Posted on September 17, 2013 by TheChangeOfSeasons

~ Be still and know that I am God!
~ He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it!
~ Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, we shall reap if we do not lose heart!

Three verses The Lord is working in my heart. It’s easy to be restless, to be weary, to loose heart and forget Who is doing the work. Forget the certainty of that.

We received a call from a Maasai friend that is in one of Randy’s classes. ” I am coming to greet you.” He arrived right after church and while he and his friend sat in the hut, talking with Randy, I prepared lunch.

Sitting around the table I knew I had missed something and I was told how “our Maasai” has been leading a church as a Mormon pastor. {Ahhhh, okay….?} He went on to say that through his studies that Randy is leading through the Word of God, he realizes that this is false teaching, false doctrine! “How do I get out of it?”

After my heart beat slowed down closer to normal I hear Randy tell him how he “needs to repent before God. Humble yourself and repent.” I look across the table and this tall, Maasai warrior has eyes filling up. “God will take care of the rest. He will give you the words and He will use this for His glory!”

We sat around, encouraging and sharing scriptures and then fervently praying together. First I prayed, then the friend, then the “Maasai” prayed with such passion…. In Kiswahili. I looked at my husband and saw an emotion I have come to admire and respect and praise God for.

Randy closed in prayer and our friend is off to confess to his congregation and begin teaching ONLY Truth. Please pray for him!

The encouragement continued as after they left, I grab my Bible and rushed off… hopping a thorn bush, slipping by the cow, cutting through a tea field and then a corn field to arrive at Leah’s. We are studying the Bible together with a few of the women in the village.

As we open The Word and they began taking turns reading the scriptures, in English, in Gusii, in Swahili…. I sat and watch the discussion.

Sometimes I could make out what was being said, sometimes they would turn to me and repeat it in English… But what I knew…. God was revealing, The Spirit was teaching and Jesus was giving understanding!! I did not know the all the words spoken but I knew the body language, I knew the expressions and I completely recognizes the AHHHH moments!!!

We’ve been weary. But God in His graciousness, took us away to refresh as we retreated with many others at the CC East Africa Missionary conference. Through the teaching and encouragement He reminded us to stay the course, to NOT loose heart and grow weary… But to press on!

Then we returned to the village and our God reveals He is indeed at work in Kisii and I am blessed and honored to be a part!

Things under the sun…

Posted on April 16, 2013 by TheChangeOfSeasons

So Randy and I have walked with The Lord for nearly 30 years. We’ve sought Him, we’ve served Him, we’ve studied His Word, we’ve prayed and we’ve seen His faithfulness first hand! We’ve prayed many countless times through the years together, interceding for our children, our marriage, one another. I’ve watched Randy grow in Christ sometimes pole pole (slowly) and sometimes right before my eyes.

Last week, after some challenges, disappointments, set backs, several very long months of language study, after feeling defeated and inept in our studies… We made a decision to go away… to set apart… With purpose. We realized our need and had a great desire to seek our God, to hear from Him, to wait on Him, to rest in Him and to expect that in His faithfulness He would reveal, speak, meet, refresh and totally pour Himself out!

We had an amazing weekend! Randy felt we should go though the book of Ecclesiastes together????? Ahhhh okay? We first read straight through it and still, I thought, ahhhh hmmmm okay?? Then we began to dig in a bit deeper.

Written by Solomon… The wisest man, the richest man… It is thought provoking as he writes of so much… “Under the sun”. That phrase is used 29 times! Constantly he wrote of the things “under the sun” with no real eternal perception throughout most his writing. While we are not finished going through this book, Gods purpose for us to take a look, at a book I must confess I’ve never spent much time at all in, His purpose is certainly to remind me I can NOT be looking at my life, this mission, Kenya, Kisii, Randy, my children, my grandchildren, my “pain”, my upsets…. I cannot be looking at these things… “under the sun”… but rather… through and in the SON!!!

It is clear that apart from Christ and an eternal perspective… There is very little… actually… there is nothing left!

As God is refining me, refining us… I am more and more in awe that He would invite me to be apart of HIS plan.

We had such a sweet time together, enjoying His creation, taking advantage of our Kenya resident status, and prices, setting ourselves apart and with purpose, seeking Him, as I must also confess…. We’ve really never done

together

WILL

As a result of our time we have made some plans subject only to His Hand. We will remain here in language school through May. We then will spend a couple weeks gathering supplies, packing and finalizing some things here. Then we will take another week to do as we just did… Set apart and sit before Him. After that we will head to Kisii, move in and spend that last week of June settling in. Also during this time, Randy will be preparing for his first session.

He will teach 2 ten week sessions this year. Each session will have seats for 8 men and will meet three days a week for 6 hours a day.

I will be going back to the states mid October so as not to miss a very special wedding! Randy will fly out Dec 5 or so after his second session and we will break for the holidays, returning early January to begin again.

We have a number of specific prayer requests…

1. Pray for a continued drawing to Him. Pray for our walk, our commitment, our prayer time, our time in the Word, pray for our abiding in Him…. Apart from which… Is only under the sun.

2. Pray for our language learning. We are actually making sentences and can carry on a simple, albeit, broken conversation!

3. Pray for Kisii. Pray for those men God is already preparing to take through His Word.

4. Pray for the orphanage and school. Pray that God will direct the next steps there and that He would be glorified through the outreach to young people who have no one. This arm of the ministry is on the alter for Gods direction. Pray for wisdom, discernment and for specific leading as a we move forward.

5. Pray for those God has called to teach His Word.. That they will guard the treasure, study to show themselves approved, rightly dividing the Truth. Pray for them as they minister to their flocks.

6. These people know the stories of the Bible probably better than you or I. But I am finding that few are actually walking with Christ, abiding in Him and actually understand the Gospel. Pray for hearts like our teacher Peter… Who pastors a church down the road. Pray for those God wants to put that heart in!

7. Pray for Gods provision. We have a few expenses not budgeted for or not budgeted enough for. God has been amazing to provide and we know He will continue.

8. Pray for the next phase of adjustments and cultural shock as we move up to the village.

9. Join us in thanking and praising God for some very encouraging brothers and sisters… Both in the states and in Kenya! We are blessed beyond measure. I was pretty humbled by the outreach of encouragement after my blog about my Jericho wall. Our family back home shot through the miles to embrace me. And we have been blessed by amazing missionary friends here — most with years of experience — and each one opening wide their arms and their hearts. Oh God is so so good!

10. Finally, please pray for protection from the enemy. Please seriously intercede for us. Know we have a prayer journal we are faithful to go through… We welcome opportunities to pray specifically for you.

Tu basi… That is all!

We love you and thank you and praise our God for you as well!
In Him!
Randy & Kari

Grammy, I promise….

Posted on April 10, 2013 by TheChangeOfSeasons

As I am dying….

….May my expectant and hopeful heart say “take me”

I remember a few years back when my grandmother died. She was 94 years old, still drove, lived alone and went every Thursday morning.. For as long as I can remember… To minister to the “old people” at the nursing home.

She fell sick and was diagnosed with bone cancer in April or May. I remember being over there one day as she was dressing and I could hear her in her room “Jesus, You are going to have to help me with this or I won’t be able to do it…. speaking of the daily shot of B12 she had given herself for decades. That was common place, she prayed for and about everything.

She declined quickly. She remained home with my mom, dad & my aunt caring for her. The grand kids that lived locally all made regular visits.

I remember the August day she died. I went over there on my lunch break as I had been doing. My mom and aunt were there. I went in to see Grammy and she had grown restless that day. She saw me and her eyes opened wide and she pulled me down, “Kari, you need to pray! You need to pray for Kris, pray that she would see the Truth and that she would know Jesus!” Kris is my cousin who does not believe Jesus is THE WAY or the authority of God’s Word.

“I will Grammy, I promise, I will.” She immediately relaxed. It was as though that was her only struggle, her only undone thing left. She fell completely at rest as she passed that baton. You see, my Grammy was a serious pray-er. Praying hours a day. She loved The Lord with a depth I am only now appreciating.

I don’t think Grammy said another thing that really made sense to those of us surrounding her. She spent the next several hours drifting. At one point, there was NO doubt she saw someone none of the rest of us saw. She seemed to be fixed with her vision and her attention. She spoke but not to us and we could not make out what she said. But, she smiled and with her frail thin arms she reached out as to say, take me, come get me and take me with you!

I know The Lord ministered to my grandmother that day… And not too many moments later, my Grammy was lifted up into the arms of her Savior. And it was beautiful and an amazing blessing to witness.

It was so – because my 94 year old grandmother had been dying for some 45 years, ever since she had given her life to Christ. Romans and Galatians talk about our dying to this life, dying to sin, dying to ourselves. That process, for those of us who believe, will carry on until the day He takes us home.

Grammy had some quirks, like us all, that didn’t always align with her profession, but no one could deny her heart’s total and complete commitment. As I have struggled with my own dying, the “death to self” we are called to surrender to, I’ve come face to face with facets far more painful than quirks…. The pain of letting go. The pain of trusting when I haven’t seen the plan. The pain of the unknown. The pain of desperate dependence from one who has always been independent. The pain of realizing my sin and then knowing what it is responsible for. I am seeing more and more of myself that God needs to transform. And having a mirror lifted before my eyes — I am moved to my face before Him.

You see, somewhere along the line, Grammy became convinced that her Savior was worth it… worth whatever He asked, wherever He led. In the depth of my heart I am convinced of that as well!

Last week I cried out in the pain of death. And with the faithful love that never fails, with the mercies that are new everyday, through the very Bride He’s preparing me to be a part…. God lifted my eyes. I am filled with thanksgiving for all those who encouraged and prayed. Please don’t stop!

I still don’t know how God does or will use the likes of me, and I am trying NOT to resist the death I can literally feel taking place in my heart, but one things for sure…. I will rejoice if, when that day comes, I have submitted to this spiritual death of my old self and in His transformation of my heart…. Oh I will rejoice… if I have only the burden of a persistent prayer to hesitate me from lifting my arms and saying, take me!!

I’ve smacked my face into the wall of Jericho…

Posted on April 4, 2013 by TheChangeOfSeasons

So… There is this idea that as missionaries, as missionaries supported by others, I need to portray all the victories of God with joy and enthusiasm that assures you that your participation in these efforts are yielding fruit and prospering well.

In one of our missions classes or maybe a book we had to read before coming, it spoke of the different “levels” at which you share of what is going on, taking place, weighing upon and stirring in. Not that it was directing this, but that it was a common screening groove many missionaries get into, often finding themselves isolated.

I’ve been told I’m a very private person, although I don’t feel that way. I really do feel I bring people in… Maybe not as much as I enjoy entering into the hearts of others, but I have certainly become one thing out here… And THAT is… a much more open book.

That all being said… We need prayer. I need prayer. Without going into details, our trip to Kisii last week was extremely difficult, discouraging and despairing. I have struggled with how God can possible use my bitter and ugly heart. I have struggled with the deep lack of power and a homesickness that is physically painful. I’m struggling with the questions of who, what, when, where, how… And….. Why?

My back is hurting. My eyes are hurting. My brain is hurting. My tooth is hurting. And, my heart is hurting.

I’ve run smack face into my “Jericho Wall“.

As I am reading the book of Joshua I found myself like the spies… Oh not these two…. Rather… One of the ten from 30-40 years earlier that we see in Numbers. The ones that came back and reported to Moses… It’s too dangerous, the giants are too big, we will be overtaken! I even went on just as the Israelites in chapter 14 and I’ve wept all night, crying out with my voice to The Lord… Why have you brought me here? Why did I leave everything for this? I can’t do this! I CAN”T BREATHE!!!!!

I am left tonight with a decision. Will I now turn back? Will I now be content to wander? Will I book the ticket I found online? Will I pull out the bags from under the bed? Will I succumb to the defeat of the unknown… Or…. Am I going to be strong and of good courage? Am I going to trust my God? Am I going to obey despite the craziness of the plan? I mean, come on…. Silently march around the city wall once a day for 6 days? Ahhh what? This all AFTER…. Right after…. the entire army had been circumcised???

First, I need to go back. I need to re-read… I need to slip away and be just like that young man… Knowing he had heard a voice… Going back again and again… “You called, Eli?” Finally after being awakened the third time… Eli realized young Samuel is hearing GOD!!!!

I need to go back… And say like Samuel… “Speak Lord, for Your servant is listening”. I need to go back and see that The Lord told Joshua not once… Not twice… But in this chapter alone… FOUR times… “Only be strong and of good courage”.

I need to go and remember…

Come here and hear the words of Your God (Joshua 3:9)

By this you WILL know that the Living God is among you (Joshua 3:10)

He will…without fail…. Drive out your enemies (Joshua 3:10 )

And… As HE so clearly spoke to me a few weeks back…

Sanctify yourself… For tomorrow… The Lord will do wonders among you! (Joshua 3:5)

This battle is not mine! This battle will be fought by the Commander of the army just as He assured Joshua before the crazy plan was put into action and they marched around silently SIX times on that 7th day and then… The 7th time around… After the trumpet sounded… “SHOUT, for The Lord has given the city!”

I don’t know the plan. What little I know is a bit crazy. I know there may be giants in the land. But I WILL ABIDE IN YOU!!!! Because… this one thing I know… With YOU… I can do anything! (Sung in my heart with the voice of Gen Falleur)

So… I share all this not to complain, not to whine, not for sympathy or even permission to bail…. I share this because with all my heart… Honestly with all that is inside me… I want to obey… I want to be a part of HIS plan… I want to be strong and courageous… I want to be sanctified… And…. I want see the Living God give the city!!!!

So… I again ask your prayers.

I will give a couple praises…

Our work permit/dependent pass is IN HAND… Record 2 months!

And God is truly teaching me the gift I have in Randy who has been so incredibly loving, patient, gentle, encouraging and showering me with prayer. I am opening my heart more now… To this man of mine for 32 years… Than ever before. It really has never been just us… So… It is good… It’s SAULGOOD!

The Change of Seasons

My life is changing – YET – HE NEVER DOES!

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