After a couple weeks of clearly being taught my need to submit to the Lord in so many areas of my life… I’m afraid last night – “I” won the battle. My flesh – totally won the battle.
It started as I lay on the couch with my computer in my lap trying to find a cheap room in Nairobi for our trip next week. After a long weekend, I had managed to drag out the rug the day before, scrub it clean, wash down all the walls, clean the floors, everything was clean and I had just taught my only class this week due to the funeral of our neighbor. I was a bit wiped. I laid there looking around at my clean rug, my clean floors and my clean bare walls.
Our walls are solid bricks with a very hard concrete like material plastered over it. There is no hanging of pictures or such. So, I had a friend make some boards that he would drill into the wall on which I can hang things. I asked for them two months ago. Last night – THEY CAME!!! Yeah, so excited!
Sweet, gentle Jeff, came in with his son, having walked over in the rain, just before dark. Ooohhh – I had just cleaned the floors. Well – I can sweep again, mop if I have to. Then he began to use his handsaw and hand-drill to complete his work. Not in one spot, but in every room he had something to hang. Oh there was no leveling, so on one of the boards, it is 6 inches higher on one end than on the other. Many things not done as I requested but he would say, “Mum, let it be this way, it is good”.
Mean while, Derrick came in. So happy to see us he didn’t even take his shoes off, which he has become accustomed to doing. By now it’s pouring outside and it’s very dark. Despite the fact that we had EVERY lantern, flashlight and candle lit, every board is bowed and crocked and now sweet Derrick has just tracked in more mud than I thought possible and anxious to greet me as I sat on the couch, which sits on my rug… ughhh — you get the picture right?
All this – I could literally feel the battle inside my heart. I had just cleaned house, I had just scrubbed the rug that morning, pulling it in after it had dried in the sun, I had just wiped down all the walls… and… now… It was all I could do to try NOT to show my attitude.
I’m guessing that Derrick’s hightailing it out of there when Jeff left – was an indication I hadn’t been successful.
DEATH TO SELF — IT’S ALL GONNA BURN! Two phrases I have heard taught and repeated so often it is a “slogan” of such among my Home Fellowship Family of over 20 years. I kept hearing that, but… but… LOOK AT THIS!!!!
I said to Randy as I walked all over the house with my arm stretched up to measure the height of the boards… yep each one of them drastically un-leveled. And LOOK at my rug!!!!
I had to vent somewhere – so – I chose my text group with my kids. Blah blah blah, babble, babble babble. Pushing send so fast, filling the next text even faster, slamming out all that gripping and complaining… concluding I clearly am not cut out for this missionary thing.
“You need to take those thoughts captive” one of my daughters shoots back. I wanted to tell her to put her face right here (((( X ))))). But I knew she was right. Corrected and humbled by the mother of my grandchildren. Just great!
Now in bed, I start to cry. God, I am so sorry. I am SO sorry. Will I ever learn to submit to YOU? Will I ever learn to lay down this ridiculous self? In this place so far from home. You are working in my heart. You are constantly reminding me… “Kari, Kari, you are worried and troubled about many things… BUT One thing is needed, chose that good part, which will not be taken away!”
The Change of Seasons 
Ur so funny. I love your blogs. You should text me honey when yu need to vent. I am good at showing you what God wants you to see at that very moment in time. I never let things as menial as a dirty floor bother me anymore. When God gets in you, he gets in you. HE’s in you. You just have to try to remember, NEVER CONFORM TO THIS WORLD, be transformed into my likeness. Romans 12:2. It’s my favorite. It’s not hard for me to do this. And because I am like this, most people can’t understand why I don’t want to do what most do, and Why won’t you get a smart phone, and why why why? I always say, It’s God’s way or man’s way people. Man’s way is Satan’s way. Nothing more….. I choose God.
What I struggle with is ignorance. I am to love every one and I try but it’s so hard. Being a hairstylist(therapist) for 29 years, I have given people solid advice when they moan about nothing, Give it to God. Do you know till this day, I think I only got to maybe 7 people, out of thousands, but even ONE is better than none. I know people love to complain and moan about the stupidest things. Americans are so spoiled and yet can’t see it. I know you know it. To complain about a floor or rug getting dirty after you clean it, wrong. We have the the greatest gift from God which is our health, to do it all over again. I praise God when I am cleaning even though there are days when I don’t want to. I can’t live by my flesh and I am so glad I don’t anymore. We need to be grateful we have a floor to clean or a rug to hand wash…lol GRATEFULNESS, NOT SELFISHNESS. I know your not selfish in any way. But if everyone could just be grateful instead, oh how wonderful. God knows what he did when he created us. Tis why Jesus will be back and put an end to it.
I love your blogs, I love what you and Randy are doing, your OVERLY blessed to be able to do it. I wish I could and still have hope one day I can. God keeps me busy here ministering to the Americans. uugghhhhhhhhhh. I think trying to convince Americans to love God with everything is the hardest ministry there is. Yes I do. No one can tell me different.
A long time friend told me this week that I was gossiping about her when I asked my prayer team to prayer for her and her son. Her son, who is her grandson, told her he has dreams of brutally murdering her, and he means it, drugs..Well I said, it’s time for massive prayer for you both. But instead of her thanking me, she told me I was gossiping and it wasn’t appreciated. And this from a woman I introduced to a bible based church..
I LOVE YA GIRLLLLLLL.
C
This message was for me!! thank you!! I am so amazed at the challenges you face each and every day as I sit in my comfortable car/home/couch etc and you are rejoicing with bare bones(not even neseccities)! I have much to learn and can’t wait to have you teach these to me upon your return in Oct. Can’t wait to see you!!
Dear Lord: Please continue to carry my friend, protect and guide her and prepare her to teach us upon her return.
Kathleen Murdock
Manager Market Development
AC Region 3
Phone 727-215-2298
Fax 727-231-8072
“Experience Makes A Difference”
Kari, you are amazing!!! I am so humbled by your work, your honesty, and your faithfulness. Lots of love to you from Alexandria, VA!!
Ummm…I’m pretty sure you’ve died to self for the most part. You are in Africa giving up everything you hold dear and trusting God to guide you where He will, to give you a new definition for “dear”. Remember that every time we are convicted, it’s an opportunity to allow God to help us respond better the next time. And…maybe Derrick can help you clean…LOL