Its been a journey for sure!  A journey that really began in 2009 with my first visit to Africa.  Less than 4 years later…  I am living in Kenya and preparing to move out to a village west of Kisii Town & Ogembo.  Up a 30 minute drive on a red dirt road, deep mud in the rains, hard rough terrain in the dry weather – neither of which can be maneuvered easily without 4 wheel drive.

No electricity, no running water, no Saturday morning breakfasts with all my kids, no sleep overs with the most amazing grandkids EVER!  No visits with my parents. No home fellowship with the best HF leaders and mentors God has ever blessed anyone with.  No early Sunday morning prayer with a pastor the Spirit of God simply pours out of. No breakfast dates with God’s sweet blessing of friendship. No hugs and blessings with the most precious church family I have ever known.  And yet….

I find myself filled with anticipation, wonder, expectation, deep intercession and a faith in the God of the Universe – that HE – Who’s thoughts for me outnumber the grains of sand – that HE, Who inclines His ear, Who bends down to hear my prayers, that HE, Who directs my steps with His eye, that HE has a plan that He has chosen me — to be a part!

It’s taken me a bit to get here…  but just as God promises… He rewards those who seek HIM!!!  I don’t doubt I will need reminding – but today – this is where He’s brought me.

June 4th!  Exactly 5 months ago today we landed in Kenya.  I was exhausted from the flight on which I cried from a depth I had never known… sobbed at times uncontrollably as we traveled across the ocean.  I had hugged my mom 24 hours earlier and felt her restraining her heart.  I had turned then to hug my daughter, fighting to restrain my own.  I inhaled deeply the fragrance of sweet love as I held my grandkids and silently prayed with all I had that God would hold them tight.  I prayed with my best friends as we cried together saying so very little.  And with such pride, mixed with an indescribable pain, I looked at all 5 of my kids, my Johnny, Ruth & Levi, I glanced at the belly holding the grandbaby that would be born in a short six weeks, I looked around at my friends and family…  and I knew, I knew that God would remain faithful and that while I could hardly imagine how – that God would sustain, strengthen and equip me to do what He had asked me to do.

Ndiyo! – YES! – it has been harder than hard.  Kabisa! – Absolutely! – I have wanted to quit more than a few times.  Kweli!  –  Indeed! – I have clung to the One thing I KNOW to be certain.  Hapana, no, not my faith – lakini afadhali, but rather, the ONE in Whom my faith rests!

When God says, “GO”, no matter what that means, how do you say no?  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to.  There has been many times He has said, “GO” and I have NOT wanted to…  “GO” tell her you are sorry…. “GO” tell him you were wrong…  “GO” give that man the five dollars in your pocket…  “GO” ask her if she knows me…  “GO” help them move on your day off…  “GO” fix that family a meal….  “GO” visit him at the hospital….  “GO” to the early prayer meeting…  “GO” sit quietly and read this chapter…  “GO”… share this verse with her…  the list goes on and on.  I can’t say I always went… oh… how I wish I could say that.  But what I can say… I’ve never been sorry when I did.  I may not have understood, I may not have seen the reason why, but I have never ever been sorry I obeyed when God has said, “GO”.

Somewhere along the line, God has opened my understanding that there is eternal purpose of which I do not know.  An eternal purpose, an eternal good, an eternal blessing…  and while I do not know the details – I KNOW the One from Whom that purpose, that good and that blessing will come!!!  I trust HIM and HE is worth far far more than I could ever offer up in my meager obedience to “GO”.

So – as we sit between finishing our time at Language School, resting some and preparing to take a few days to “GO” and rest and seek Him more, between this and heading up that dirt road and waiting for HIM to say “GO”…  I find myself scooting to the edge of my seat…  just HOW, Lord Jesus, are You going to show YOURSELF FAITHFUL????

If you are a follower of Christ – you TOO – are a “MISSIONARY” and – you TOO – are being told to “GO”.  Is it next door?  Is it to that table on the other side of the coffee shop?  Is it to that one you argued with last week?  Is it back to fellowship?

My prayer today is that you and I will be quick to respond when our GOD says “GO”!

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I am a woman with many many blessings. I have a life filled with women – women who have taught me more of life, more of living, more of love than is possible to be contained in any book, in any library. God has filled my life with sisters, with friends, with “girls”, with mentors and with torch takers. I am surrounded with women who have made forever lasting impressions deep within my heart and soul.

But today – my thoughts gravitate in this direction…..

I was about 22 years old when my Great Grandmother died. GRAMS… homemade chocolate chip cookies, homemade bread, Perry Mason and Saturday 6pm Lawrence Welk come to mind. When I would stay the weekend with her, this was our line up. She was VERY hard of hearing which resulted in lots of VERY loud “talking”. She was strict but she was loving. For as long as I knew – my Grams lived in a home connected to her daughter’s home along the shore in Oldsmar. That always made weekend stays doubly dosed with grandmother love and I was guaranteed one of them would come out and play and look for fiddler crabs in the bay.

Her daughter – my grandmother – GRAMMY, she was a sharply dressed, very smart business woman who loved the Lord and served Him with all her heart. She too was strict, she towed the line and we were all quite certain where it was and not to cross it. And yet, she poured out her love and the legacy – of a woman who walked hard after God – lingers on. I still think her perseverance in serving God – up to the end of her life here – resonates an example in my heart that I pray never gives way to a sense of needing or deserving a “rest”.

My NANNY – my mom’s mom – she was my “fairy-book” grandmother. She is the woman all the children’s books with giving, loving, giving, protecting, giving grandmas was written about. She was by far the kindest woman ever. She was very independent and true to her generation in forever serving her family. She would board a bus 6 days a week to travel to her same job in a small store in downtown Tampa. She worked hard – well past retirement age, and she loved working in her yard – up to the day she died. She was a God fearing woman who loved with a love that was saturated in HIS grace. She had a rougher road, that I only know from stories as they never succeeded in hardening this woman. She had a way of making everyone of us kids feel we were her favorite and it’s funny to now hear the claims of her grandchildren… oh I love her so… and I am certain… it was I who was her favorite!!!

All three of these women lived well into their mid 90s, in their home, providing for themselves and still actively touching my life.

MY MOM – she too has been a woman who loves, serves and pours out into others. I knew, growing up, that she would always be there for me – and – she has! I learned so much from her, as she did from her own mother. I learned that family was in the top of the list. I learned that her children and family would always be her favorite and most desired company. That the bond of “family” reached deep and rooted with strength. While we haven’t dared spoke it – I can tell in her eyes, that she is likely the one who knows best my heart and the difficulty of being away from family. She truly has given to me with a sacrificial heart and no matter how much I tell her – she could never know how very much I love and appreciate her!!!!

MY SISTER – my big sister – everyone should have one! Her patience was tested but her calm and loving smile always prevailed. We have a closeness that is not touched by time or distance and I have loved sharing my life with her.

My other “MOM” – wow my blessed life continued when I married Randy and received another woman who would pour out into my life. Her graciousness towards me has always been overflowing, another hard working woman who has always been available. And, at 80 years old, while most her age are slowing down – she is out and about nearly every day, taking care of and loving on her friends and family.

My other SISTER – indeed, another blessing I received the day I married Randy. She, too, has demonstrated a life of hard work and much love. Her kind heart is an example I have always desired and I am grateful to now share with her my faith.

My Aunt Bev, Aunt Mary, Aunt Frankie, Aunt Mil, Aunt Mattie, Alma, Anne, and many other “aunts” and cousins also fill my the outpour of influence in my life. All, living and loving with that motherly love that embraces the heart.

So… The day I discovered I was pregnant for the first time – at 19 years old – married just 6 months at the time – I can literally close my eyes and not only recall – but actually feel the very sense of speechless, heart cradling, breath taking, eye raising wonder of that expectation of becoming a mama. Really the only thing I ever remember desiring with such depth as that was all I really ever wanted to do in my life – get married and have babies!!!!

I have loved every season of the lives of my kids. Even the challenges served to be character shapers and integrity builders. My boys filled my first 6 years of motherhood with a happiness that can not be explained. They taught me so much with their curiosity, their forever learning and discovering and… their simple love. I loved the way they played and the way they bickered. Then, I loved the way just a few minutes later – they would be back to playing and laughing and I would inhale, smile and know that sense of family my mother, my grandmother and all these had demonstrated for me my whole life.

The boys were 5 & 2 when I became pregnant for the last time. The day I found out I was having a BABY GIRL – I was beyond joyful and overflowing with dreams, with ideas, with expectation… and each and every one so far has not failed to meet up with my hearts desire for her. The gift I have in having raised my “best girl friend” my “Kasi Girl” is nothing short of heaven sent.

I was never bothered or concerned with Ryan or with Cory having “issues” with a new baby – neither time. I expected their love to grow and… it did!! I loved watching them with each other – I love it to this day. I love that Kasi laughs at her brothers with the deep gut laugh that they along are able to stir. I love how they care for each other and how they always challenge each other in the way only a sibling can get away with.

I love how their arms have opened wide to bring in two more sisters into the fold. I love how my boys have prayed for and have chosen the most perfect women, help mate, partner and friend for their lives. And having prayed for each one – both these women – for their entire lives – my heart could not be more connected to them had I given birth to them myself. I love that Ryan is a big brother to Elizabeth and Cory is to Rach.. and I love that Kasi has sisters that she loves and enjoys being with.

I watch Rachel with her children, calm, peaceful, certain, patient and loving – and I see the amazing children she is raising – and I simply say – PRAISE GOD!!! I see Ruthie and Noomie… I watch their brothers doting and protecting and loving. I watch these little girls who will grow up, who will have their dreams, and I pray, with all my heart, that God will raise them up… to be women with hearts after HIM – just as their mommy.

I watch Elizabeth and Kasi with their nieces and nephews – along with the children of their friends – and I see two women God is preparing to carry the torch of the most amazing job ever… motherhood! I see their gentleness and love and they are pouring it out on those around them. I see a God given desire in their eyes that He has protected from the callousness of this world. And as I pray, I know in confidence that my God, in HIS perfect sovereign will, will fulfill in their lives all HE has designed, all He desires!

So – I am surrounded from the front and from behind, circling the sides — with women who I can only marvel at. Women of distinction and of grace. Women of wisdom and of love. Women for whom I thank and praise my Lord for today!

Mom – I love you more than words can say, thank you for everything! Thank you for all you’ve taught me, all you’ve given me, for all your love for me!!! You are an amazing woman and I am blessed to call you my mom! “Thank you” simply is not reflective of my hearts deep love for you!

Mom (Helen) – as well, I appreciate you with great depth and I love your son with all my heart! Thank you for being an example in taking me in as your daughter and demonstrating a Naomi and Ruth biblical example of love.

And – being far from home – in a place where all women – of “my age” – are referred to only as Mama…. I smile… that I am always, daily reminded of the most amazing role my God has allowed me to take – that of a woman – that of a mom.

On March 17, 2006, after several weeks of increasing pain, I collapsed on the floor of my bedroom unable to move. After a few days of testing, it was discovered that my 4th/5th Lumbar vertebra had ruptured severely and pieces of it was putting pressure on nerves as they floated through my spinal column. It was excruciating pain and numbness all at the same time. I was literally in bed for months, had 2 surgeries and slowly began to improve. I spent a lot of time in the Word during that season. God taught me so much and revealed Himself in new and deeper ways. And looking back…. it was an amazing blessing that I honestly say – I wouldn’t trade. I found a Strength in Him, I didn’t know. I experienced a Rest in HIM, I did not know. I tasted a goodness of HIM… I had never known. It is true that as God walks us through trials, tribulations, difficulties and pain… and as we FIX OUR EYES ON HIM… we do indeed experience a depth of HIM — we otherwise would never know.

Last week, I was sick in bed for 5 days. Again, not leaving my bed. As I laid there I recalled the long season of confinement and just how faithful God was during that time years ago. And, as I am going through the Old Testament, I see over and over how the Israelites would need to be reminded of God’s faithfulness, of His promises, of His love. I realized… I had forgotten. I had grown into a whining Israelite… WHY GOD? Have you brought me out of Egypt so that I might die???? OH that I might have orange juice and a nice thick steak…. Oh that we were having Saturday Morning Breakfast all together…. Oh that I might have my Tempur-Pedic bed… Oh, that I could sit and pray with my friends… OH, that I could read a book with my babies…. Ok, a little different whining…. but whining all the same, whining that was growing out of forgetfulness.

The last 28 hours has taken my breath. Honestly, I’ve had to remember to breathe. Sitting by the phone awaiting updates and texts. This time my memory spiraled back 5 years ago when Ruthie was in the hospital, then even further, 24 years ago as we awaited test after test with my own baby girl.

Little Naomi is indeed… a little thing. There has been a concern that has continued and increased her short little life. And, at just 2 1/2 months, she is undergoing tests to determine what, if anything, is causing this lack of weight gain and concern. So my kids’ lives have hit that “world stopping” mode that a hospital can do. That exhausting and long drawn out process of a hospital stay. The sounds, the smells, the waiting, the shift changes, the reading, the waiting, the vital checks, the waiting, the visitors, the waiting….

I have an amazing Daughter in Law… I actually have two of them! But the mama that is sitting and waiting has been diligent to keep this Nanny informed… often informing that there is nothing to inform. Over the last couple months she has inquired about family history, she’s shared her concerns and we’ve prayed together across the miles. Now, she’s walking through unknown territory and she is walking it holding the hand of her husband, and, her LORD. You see, she is good at remembering. Remembering HIS faithfulness. His Goodness. His LOVE. I hear it in her voice, I see it in her eyes. I’ve watched her faith in Jesus grow to levels I wish I had known at that stage of my life. I see a trust, a rest and I see a memory of all God has done in her life. My kids trust their GOD… and so do I.

My prayer is to share with you soon that we simply have a little tiny petite and healthy girl… but for today, as I am finding the long long way from home… so very very far, I am asking that you keep our little Naomi in prayer. Keep her brothers and sister, her daddy and her mommy in prayer. I am grateful beyond words that beside her is her other grandma… her Mimi… as well as her Aunts and Uncles and great grandparents. Please, pray for all of us to remember.. to remember that our God, Whose thoughts of us, of Naomi, outnumber the grains of sand… pray that we remember HE IS FAITHFUL!!!!!